


Hurt Runs Deep

by Shinan7



Category: Valdemar Series - Mercedes Lackey
Genre: Betrayal, Boys Kissing, Era: Reign of Selenay, Haven, Love, M/M, Multi, Pain, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-03-09 05:03:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3237311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinan7/pseuds/Shinan7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about an abused and neglected teen becoming a very important piece of the puzzle. Set during Queen Selenay's rule. Warning there is going to be self harm, rape( Implied Only)and boyxboy love(Again, nothing graphic ) I want to know if you find it interesting enough for me to keep writing. Your opinions are very much appreciated -<br/>OC/OC</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The universe of Valdemar belongs solely to Mercedes Lackey. I own only the plotline and Damien my OC.

 

Note: This is my very first Valdemar fanfic and I hope you find it an interesting read.

 

This fanfic is on the darker side. There's already a warning of it on the summary, but I will state it again. There is self harm, rape and guy love in this fanfiction. There will not be anything graphic written whatsoever for the last two of those things. However, there will be suicidal thoughts and self harm written out throughout this story. I am not sure how long it will be but I will write it out until the end. It might not be updated every month, but I will try my best.

 

 

Chapter 1:

 

"He's of no use to me here. He isn't even mine, why would I want him around me?" His step-fathers voice drifted down the hall from the kitchen.

 

Damien's room was right next the kitchen, and everything could be heard from there. Every time his mother and his step-father had a conversation in the kitchen, it was always about him. Damien, the son of Elda but not the actual son of Gareth. He was the oddity, the one that didn't belong.

 

"He's here because he is my son. You knew of him before you married me. If you didn't want him then you should have married somebody else." His mothers voice sounded irritated. She mostly stayed quiet during some of Gareth's rants about how useless Damien was, but it seemed that she had grown tired of it.

 

"Yes, I knew of him, I didn't think that he would be this useless to me. He hasn't even found a job! Worthless is what he is." Gareth exclaimed loudly.

 

"What would you expect? He's nine! Damien still need's to finish his mandatory lessons that Queen Selenay proclaimed for all the children in Valdemar to have until they can read, write, and do their reckoning at a proficient level!"

 

"He doesn't need to learn how to read, write or reckon. He doesn't need it at all. What he needs to do is start contributing to this household. I feed and clothe him, and yet he does nothing for me, nothing whatsoever." Gareth said coldly. There was then silence as they left the kitchen and went to their room.

 

Damien muffled his sobs as best as he could and sank deeper into his blankets on the floor. He was the only one in his family that didn't have a proper bed. Damien's little brothers had one each.

 

His mother had gotten him brand new, fluffy blankets. As far as Damien was concerned, they were way better then any beds.

 

Damien closed his eyes tightly and put his shaking hands over his ears as he heard some noise coming from his parents room.

 

He knew his mother cared for him, he knew that, but it seemed that if Gareth threatened her enough, eventually she would let Gareth do whatever he wanted to do to Damien. Tears fell down his small face. Oh how he wished that his step-father cared. He wished his mother would never stop caring about him. She was the only one he could talk to, the only one that would listen and pay attention. The only person who cared that he existed, who cared about him. The only one…

 

88888888-88888888

 

Seven Years Later

 

Wind ripped through Damien's too thin coat, making his body shiver as the cold air hit his skin. He was on his way home from doing some errands his step-father wanted him to do. The errands seemed to take him farther and farther from the house every week. Gareth was trying his best to keep Damien away from the house, away from them. Even after all these years, he was still told that he was worthless by Gareth. He was worthless to Gareth, that is until Gareth didn't have mother next to him. Then he noticed Damien, and Damien wished that he would be ignored during those times.

 

His mother didn't speak to him as much anymore. Maybe a word or two every few hours of the day if at all.

 

Erin and Jaime didn't talk to him one bit. It felt like he was invisible to them. Like he didn't exist at all. He was related to them through their mother, yet they acted like he was a speck of dirt on the floor. Not worth their time.

 

Damien clench his hand, digging his finger nails into the palm of his hand. Suddenly he felt something run down from his wrist and he grimaced in pain. He hurried as fast as he could back to the house. The bandages must be covered in blood if he felt it leak already. Good thing it was on the way back, not halfway across Haven. He wouldn't have any extra bandages, maybe a few old dirty rags from the street. Dirty rags weren't the best thing to use. Dying was one thing, but dying painfully, not able to move, and over a few days, was not how he wanted to go. The thought of not existing anymore didn't really scare Damien. He knew it was an eventual part of life, something nobody got out of in the end. What scared him the most in the world was already happening. It would only be a little while before his mother completely stopped talking to him. That was the worst thing that could happen to him, and it was happening. In a few months-maybe a year, he would be completely alone in the world. It wouldn't matter then if he was alive, but as long as his mom was still talking to him, even if it was just one word a day, he would keep on living. Keeping on living was not easy right now, but keeping the pain at bay was even harder to do. It seemed like any slice on his arm wasn't enough anymore. It needed to be deep, it needed to be sharp. Every cut helped turn his emotional pain into numbness and made his focus on a different kind of pain, pain that he and only he had control over. That pain made Damien forget everything, at least for a short while.

 

Before he had left the house earlier that day, before he had his errand to do, Damien had taken his knife and pressed it deeply into his wrist. Blood had bloomed from the slice immediately. The deep red color had transfixed Damien for a few minutes. Nothing had held the flow back, and Damien had liked how it had looked. His breath had been taken away by the sight of all that blood. By the time he had wrapped his arm in a bandage, there had been a river of red streaming down his arm in wonderful waves. Some had even stained his shirt in a few spots.

 

Damien was honestly surprised, and a little saddened, that his mother never said anything about the blood he got on his clothes sometimes when he wasn't careful about where it fell. She never said a word about it, and for some reason that hurt even more then the not talking to him for most of the day. It meant that she didn't really care about him anymore.

 

It hurt thinking that, it hurt deep in his heart. If his mother didn't even care about him, who else would? Nobody would, that was who. After his mother stopped speaking to him, nobody else would ever know he was even alive.

 

His life just wasn't fair. What had he done? Why didn't his step-father like him? He helped when he could. He did little things around the house all the time. Why did he do those… things to Damien? Why was he so disgusting?

 

His brothers never paid any attention to him. Why? Why wouldn't they even look at him? What did he do to them? Why did they hate him so?

 

Why was the only person in the world that was supposed to care and love him no matter what, speaking to him less and less with each passing day? Why did she let Gareth do that to him? Damien was still her flesh and blood, she should stop him. Why didn't she?

 

The tears threatening to run down his face finally let loose just as he ran into his little room. There was nobody to see his tears, and even if they did see, they wouldn't care.

 

With a trembling hand, Damien unwrapped the long strip of blood soaked linen from his wrist. When the wound was free of its confines, the blood started welling up from the deep gash. Damien looked at the cut, transfixed again at the sight of it. The blood really was an amazing color. Why did it have to be such a pretty color? Then again, it was something you needed to live. It made sense that as a life force, it would be such a color.

 

A noise outside his door snapped Damien out of his thoughts. As quickly as he could, he wiped away the blood, then wrapped another bandage around his wrist.

 

His door was suddenly slammed open, Damien fell onto his blankets in shock as he looked up at the face of his step-father.

 

"So, you're finally back. Your mothers gone, and I need you for now." Gareth sneered at Damien as he shut the door behind him with a bang. Damien scooted as far away as possible from Gareth, despair filling every fiber of his being.

 

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"Elspeth why are you out here so late?" Talia asked as she stepped closer to her fellow Herald and good friend.

 

"I've got this feeling, it won't go away. I'm waiting for something to happen, or someone to appear. I just don't know what it is exactly." Elspeth replied a little frustrated with herself.

 

"Is it someone good, or bad?" Talia asked with concern. Usually it was the far-seers that brought news of the future, not the Herald Mages.

 

"He isn't bad… but bad things will happen, or are happening to him. I don't know why its being pushed at me like this though. If it were a Herald that was in trouble, we would have figured it out by now. If it were a regular Valdemar citizen… then why would it be pushed at me like this? It shouldn't, not this hard at least."

 

Talia thought about it as she gazed up at the stars. "He's not a Herald… but he's not an ordinary citizen…what if he's going to be chosen? Or needs to be chosen soon?"

 

Elspeth snapped her head over and looked at her dear friend. "That's it! But what can we do? Is there anything we can do?"

 

Talia shook her head slowly. "That is for his Companion to do… we can only hope and pray that he gets there before its too late."

 

They stood together looking up at the night sky, lost in their own thoughts.

 

A/N: Please review ^-^ I'd like to know what you think of my first Valdemar fanfic.

Migrated from fan fiction. Net.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Payment

 

Damien found himself walking down a long path. The only thing he could see for miles were odd looking trees, a never ending barrage of them. When Damien got closer, he noticed that they weren't really trees at all. At least not real trees. They looked like tree's but they were made of metal. When he brushed the back of his hand against the leaves, they left cut marks along the back. Damien gazed with fascination down at his hand as the blood oozed up from the tiny slices. When he glanced away from it, he noticed one more thing as his eyes scanned all around him. He was completely alone. As his eyes strayed back to his hand, the cuts grew longer and larger until they reached past his shoulder. Damien's eyes widened as he realized that he couldn't feel his arm anymore. It was completely numb, as if it wasn't there.

* * *

 

Damien opened his eyes with a start. The morning sunlight was hitting him right in the face. He blinked and grimaced in pain, his eyes not used to the sun just yet. When he moved over to his side, he groaned in pain and decided to stay put until it passed. His body felt so weak, and filthy. He hadn't been able to move since yesterday when his step-father had been done with him. He'd fallen asleep in agony, but at least he'd managed to fall asleep this time. Exhaustion, and the need to escape from the world probably helped with that.

 

It seemed like days passed by before he finally felt ready to get up and leave his little room. He gingerly stepped into his clothes, then walked out of the door.

 

As he treaded through the house, he heard no noise, it felt empty. Nothing could be heard at all. Damien clenched his hand as he walked towards the kitchen. Usually there was at least one person there. If not his mother then one of the hired cooks or maids that helped in the morning.

 

As soon as he walked in, Damien could tell that nobody was in there at all. Then, on the kitchen table he spotted a note with a letter behind it. He unfolded the note and scanned though the scrawled lines. It was in his mothers flowing hand writing.

 

Damien,

 

We went to a party that a friend of your step-fathers is hosting. He invited Gareth yesterday night. Please take the note attached to Jared who lives on Burl road next to the North Gate. You should remember where it is. Try not to lose it, it's a payment that Gareth needs to had delivered. We'll most likely be back late tonight.

 

-Elda & Gareth

 

Damien stared down at the sealed piece of parchment in pain. He'd been left behind… again. Biting down on his tongue helped him from letting the tears fall. The iron taste of his blood filled his mouth. He slowly willed the tears away. Gareth must have told his mother what to write, whenever both their names where on anything for him, if was always something Gareth wanted done. With a sigh he slowly left the empty kitchen, then headed out through the back door.

 

Once outside, Damien slowly made his way across Haven. The smell of meat pies and fresh baked bread hit him hard as he walked past the bread shops and taverns that served an early breakfast. His stomach grumbled with hunger as soon as the whiff of meat pie hit his nose. Damien stared longingly at the doors, then sighed in regret and kept on walking towards his destination. He'd just have to eat when he got back to the house. Right at this moment, he didn't even have a single clipped copper to his name. It was no use to ask for scraps either. The cooks would just chase him away. Even scraps were guarded jealously by the staff.

 

The road past the taverns and bake shops opened to show a market in full swing. It was bustling with people buying or selling goods out of their wagons or in front of their doors. Cries of the finest blades, silks, fruits could be heard long after he'd passed the last farmer. Children ran at full pelt from behind ally ways and between people, trying to snatch things without being caught and sent to the jail.

 

Damien kept himself from being accosted by thieves, and merchants by staying as far away from reach as possible from the other people on the street. When ever a child turned towards him, he reached into his tunic, acting like he had a weapon hidden there. He did but it wasn't that long of a dagger. The pocket thieves didn't have to know that though.

 

An hour later Damien walked though a door that held a small shop and nodded to the man standing behind the counter. He never liked coming here. It didn't feel right. Jared's eyes seemed to never leave him alone, constantly following him around. Damien always breathed a huge sigh of relief every time he left the building. But while he was in the confined space, he could never shake the feeling that something just wasn't right. This time wasn't any different, and he waited impatiently for Jared to appear so that he could give him the letter and leave.

 

"Damien, what a wonderful surprise. How are you doing today?" Jared's voice sounded from behind him, and Damien whirled around to face the man. He never liked having his back to Jared, he felt like his step-father did. Damien couldn't explain the feeling, it was just something he knew deep in his gut that the man wasn't to be trusted. It was a feeling he'd learned to trust over the last few years.

 

"I'm doing fine. Gareth sent me to give you this." Damien replied curtly as he handed to letter to Jared, taking extra care not to touch the man's hand.

 

"Oh? I wasn't expecting this so early." Jared asked with surprised pleasure as he broke the seal and scanned though it, the smug look on his face getting bigger and bigger the more he read.

 

Damien nodded and stepped back and then turned to head out the door when he was stopped by the sight of the man that had been behind the counter closing and locking the door that lead towards the street. Immediate dread filled through his body as he turned back towards Jared.

 

"I'm sorry my boy. Gareth is paying his dept to me and you are the payment." Jared smirked not looking sorry at all.

 

That smirk was the last thing Damien saw before everything turned into a world of darkness.

 

Damien woke with a pounding headache and in a dark room that he didn't recognize at all. His vision was bleary and nothing came into focus, the room kept spinning around his head with dizzying speed. When he tried to move his body, it felt heavy and sluggish. Even lifting his arm up to his head took him a lot of effort, and he stopped midway there, letting his arm drop back down to his side. When everything more or less stopped circling around, he groaned out one word. "Where…?"

 

"Ah, the delicious young man has finally woken up from his slumber." A man appeared in front of him. It wasn't anyone that Damien knew, and fear seared through him as the man looked dawn at Damien's body like it was a piece of meat. His eyes seemed like they were assessing the quality and taste.

 

As the mans eyes scanned his body, that was when Damien noticed that he didn't even have a stitch of clothing on. He slid up against the wall, as far away for the man as possible, and pulled his arms and legs close to his body. When he glanced down at his arm, he noticed that even the bandages that had been wrapped around his cuts were gone.

 

"Who… who are you? Why am I… here?" Damien croaked out. His throat burned, and he couldn't seem to swallow properly.

 

"Well I am your master at least for right now and maybe even later." The man smirked evilly. "Don't worry about why you are here. I'm sure that you'll figure that out by yourself soon enough."

 

After that, Damien wished he had stayed in the blackness a lot longer, maybe even forever. He was in a living nightmare, and he didn't know what he had done in a previous lifetime to offend the gods and be dealt with this hand.

 

Later, when the man finally left him alone. Damien laid motionless on the bed, his body raging with pain. Eyes that were, at this moment, as dark as the night sky. He lay there, staring up at the ceiling. His body then started shaking and with a sudden lurch, he leaned over the side of the bed and threw up. Being that his stomach was mostly empty from not eating for a while, it was a surprise that something actually came up. Damien couldn't keep his heaving shoulders, or coughing to stop for some time after. When his body calmed a little, Damien looked down at the revolting mess on the floor. The smell of it made him want to retch again so he slumped back onto the bed and curled into a tight ball away from the smell.

 

'When I feel like I can walk, I'll look for something sharp.' Damien thought, closing his eyes tight and hoping for that wonderful darkness to claim him once again.

 

Before he could fully fall into the darkness, a door was slammed open, then it sounded like something was plunked down on the floor, before the door slammed shut once again. Damien sat up with a start and glanced around the room. He spotted the tray next to the door and decided to take a look to see what it was. Even though he didn't want to move, his stomach really wanted something inside of it.

 

Gingerly, Damien stepped over his vomit, then feeling too weak to stay upright, sank to his hands and knees and crawled the rest of the way to the tray. When he got there all he saw was a very small loaf of bread and a bowl filled halfway with cabbage soup. The soupy part was mostly water, and the cabbage was sparse. It was a measly meal, but Damien scarfed it down in next to no time. When he was done, since he was already out of bed, Damien decided to take a look around the room to see if he could find anything useful. Before he left the door, he slowly turned the knob, just to see if by any chance it had been left unlocked. It didn't budge an inch, and with a groan Damien turned away from his only hope of escaping the small cell. One glance around the tiny space showed that the room was barren except for the bed and the food tray. Damien frowned and crawled back to the bed to see if he could pry loose a nail from the wood. To his immense pleasure, on the other side of it, was a loose nail. It looked like someone had been trying to pull it loose. Damien wondered if he wasn't the first one to be locked away in this room. With a tug, the nail came out and Damien cradled it between his hands like a small baby.

 

Before he had a chance to do anything with his little treasure, his body toppled onto his side, his world turning black once again.

 

"Clean up this mess Fen, we don't want to anger the customers. They wouldn't come back at all if they saw that." A voice could be heard from what seemed like far away.

 

Damien felt like he was at one end of the tunnel and the voices were at the other end. Slowly, he resurfaced enough from the dark tunnel to feel himself being lifted up, then placed on something softer then the floor had been.

 

"The next one is here to see him. It's the one that likes them drugged heavily, but still able to feel what's being done to them." The voice said again sounding far away to Damien's ears.

 

Slowly, Damien drifted back down until he felt unbearable pain. By the time it ended, it was as if an eternity had passed. After that, a long time went by with Damien's tears flowing down the sides of his face.

 

When Damien felt like he could lift his arms enough, he turned to his left and searched for the nail. He hadn't had it in his hand when he'd been placed on the bed, so it must still be on the floor next to the bed. When his fingertips touched it, a few moments had passed. Moments that had been filled with despair and fear that the men had taken it away, until he'd touched it. It had rolled under the bed, probably from when the man had picked him up. Damien gingerly reached for it again without falling out of the bed. He lifted up the nail and rolled onto his back again. Damien then tested the tip of it see how sharp it was. It was dull, wouldn't cut at all if he just slid it up his skin. He dug the tip into his wrist and with all the strength he had, he dragged it up his forearm. Almost following the path of the vain. As the nail dug deeper into his arm, Damien bit his lip and closed his eyes. The pain radiated from the spot the nail entered his arm, to the end of his shoulder… now that his brain was a little clearer, it reminded him of the dream he'd had however long ago it had been. Though in the dream, he couldn't feel his arm. Right now the pain was definitely felt.

 

Damien held his arm up to see how deep he'd cut it open. Blood dripped down onto his face like crimson rain drops. It didn't look that deep, the nail wasn't really that sharp. Maybe the weakness he felt was the reason why it hadn't gone any deeper.

 

The door was suddenly thrown open, and Damien tucked his arm close to his body as he looked over to see who it was that had entered.

 

Jared stood smirking at his from the door. He slowly walked over to Damien, his eyes raking his body relentlessly.

 

"You're a sick bastard." Damien managed to spit out with hate. He hardly ever showed any emotion to others, but it seemed that here he let it out with everything he had.

 

Jared just stood there for a while then leaned closer, and with a swift jerk, he pinned both of Damien's arms above his head. His grip was tight enough to leave bruises when he would let go, the cut stung even more.

 

"What does it matter if I am? Making money is always good. Now, to tell you the truth, I've wanted you here since I first saw you. You looked so young, and so very pretty. It took me a while, but you're finally mine to do as I please. Don't think about being rescued either. Right now you're considered a runaway, and not expected to ever be found again." Jared smirked down at Damien before leaning down and kissing him on the lips. "You taste just like I'd imagined. Along with making me money, you're mine whenever I want you. Not bad at all. At least not bad for me."

 

Damien turned his head away in disgust wished with all of his might that this was just a bad dream. A bad dream that he would wake up from soon.

 

Jared smirked in a knowing way, like he could read Damien's mind. He pressed his body fully down on Damien's whispered into his ear. "This isn't a dream, Damien. This is your reality. You should get used to it, because its not going to change. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change it." Jared eye's flickered toward his arm and his smile widened. "You do like pain, don't you? Well you'll have plenty of it with me. Plenty."

 

Damien closed his eye's as Jared bit and kissed his neck. He willed himself away from his surroundings, away from the unwanted assault on his body. For the first time his wish was granted. Damien felt like he was floating, floating high in the sky. When he looked down, he saw himself still on the bed. He turned away from the scene below him, not wanting to see what he couldn't feel.

 

Slowly, Damien drifted through the ceiling and into the open blue sky. It was a breathtaking view. The sun was partly obscured by a few fluffy clouds and the sky was an incredible blue. Damien wished he could stay there, in that spot forever. Sadly, all to soon, he plummeted back down and into his body. The decent was fast, a lot faster then floating up had been.

 

Back in his body, Damien saw that Jared was still there. Watching him with that nauseating look on his face.

 

"Came back didn't you? Next time you won't be able to do that. I'll make sure that the drugs leave your system by the time I visit you. See you tomorrow my lovely boy." Jared kissed him one more time and with that, he lifted himself up off the bed and left the room after one last smirk down at Damien.

 

Damien finally let out the cry he couldn't keep in, his shoulders trembling uncontrollably. He couldn't help but wish that there was some way to kill himself, and get away from this raging hell that his life had become.

 

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"Talia, have you found anything else out? Is there a companion that feels the pull urgently?" Elspeth asked as she spotted Talia heading towards her from the other side of the hall. A few days had passed since they had last spoken, and she wanted to know if anything new had turned up.

 

Talia nodded her head slowly, she looked worried. "Rolan told me that seven Companions left to get their Chosen…"

 

Elspeth looked closely at her. "Its not any of their Chosen that are in trouble then?"

 

Talia shook her head. "There's… this Companion named Lan… he feels the pull to go search… but there's two problems."

 

"What are they?" Elspeth asked, wondering what they could be.

 

"One, and this is the least problematic of the two, Lan is still too young to go and get his Chosen. He isn't big enough, not strong enough to leave the Companions Field just yet." Talia said shaking her head slightly.

 

"Has that ever happened before? A Companion feeling the pull so young?" Elspeth asked with surprise at this piece of news.

 

"I honestly have no idea. If it has happened before, it wasn't written in the Chronicles that I've searched through, and Rolan can't recall anything like this ever happening before." Talia replied.

 

Elspeth sighed and said. "Well, we'll just have to wait and hope that Lan can get him or her when he is old enough, or he can tell us and we could get him? Since this is the least problematic, what's the most problematic?"

 

Talia frowned. "That is the catch in this. Since Lan already feels the pull, he should know where his Chosen is at so that we could get him away from whatever is happening to him. The problem is that Lan doesn't know where his Chosen's at. In Haven, but that's all Lan can tell. The exact location is being blocked. And that can only mean one thing."

 

"A mage is cloaking his presence? But why and how?" Elspeth was snapped, more then a little shocked. "We barely have any magic floating around, and all the nodes have been disrupted and depleted since the Mage Storm hit us five years ago!"

 

"That's the question I can't answer. We might have something else within our boarders that we don't want to be here. If its blocking the presence of one person, what else is being hidden away? This isn't going to be easy, but we need to do everything we can to figure out who is strong enough, and has enough magic to do this. We need to figure it out, because when the rest of our mages can barely do even a quarter of what they used to be able to, how can we protect ourselves? Is there a way?"

 

"I'll go call for a council with Selenay. She needs to be told, along with the Deans, Skif, and everyone else. Maybe Skif has heard about something that might help us here." Elspeth said as she headed to her mother's chambers at a fast jog.

 

"We'll need everyone we can get." Talia agreed solemnly, keeping close to Elspeth's heels.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Glimmer of Hope

There was a never ending world of hurt and pain. How was it that life had turned out like this? At one point Damien had been happy, very happy with his life. With his mother and father. He had been young, but Damien could still remember the warmth that was never fake or fading away. The hugs, the gentle kisses, the feeling of love. Then his father had disappeared and his mother had ended up marrying Gareth. And now…

"I'm surprised Damien. Already a year has passed since you came here, yet you've grown even more desirable. That doesn't usually happen with me. I get bored within a month, yet you, you are still my favorite." Jared voice penetrated though Damien's fog filled mind, as Jared played with the hem of the oversized shirt that Damien had on.

Slowly, Damien opened his tired eyes. Feeling tired was now a constant part of his life. He hadn't known that a year had already gone by, the days usually melted together for him. They were all filled with pain, agony, and the wish to forever leave this world.

One thing he could tell was when it was night or day. The small window near the ceiling showed enough to let him know that much. After the first few days of being trapped, Damien had stopped counting. From then on it was a blur, plus the effect of the drugs always made him forget at lease a few days every week.

The nail, his one source of comfort, was gone. So was anything else even remotely sharp. Everything that could cut, had been taken away. Jared had learned during the first week that Damien could and would kill himself. Not wanting to loose the money or the pleasure that Damien's body brought, Jared ordered Damien's room to be left bare, the only things that remained were the blankets on the floor. When clients or Jared wanted a little fun, they took him to another room with a bed, and when finished, Damien was brought back to this room.

Damien felt tears gather in the corner of his eye, and he clenched both of his hands into fists, digging his nails deep into his palm. He didn't want to show any weakness to Jared, not now, not ever.

"Still drugged I see. I'll leave you for now, my lovely boy." Jared chuckled and he walked towards the door, just before he got there was some urgent knocking from behind it. One of Jared's henchman walked in and started whispering quietly to Jared. With a curse, Jared ran out of the room, the other man close behind him.

The door, which was usually slammed shut after they left him, slowly drifted closed. Before it could shut all the way, it stopped.

Damien noticed as soon as Jared left that something had changed, and this was his chance to leave. His body had gotten used to the drugs, not completely, but enough for him to not feel weak all of the time. With that in mind, Damien slowly got to his feet, and staggered to his one and only hope of escape. The door creaked open, and he glanced outside to see if anyone was in the hallway. It was empty, and Damien crept out of his hell. Spotting the stairs, he quickened his pace. As he was about to go down, he heard voices heading up toward him. Damien's heart practically overflowed with dread until he saw the stairway going up.

If he couldn't escape alive, then death was better then being trapped in here a candlemark longer. With that in mind, Damien stumbled up the staircase and through the lone door at the top. Fresh air hit him hard, and Damien nearly wept with relief. It felt so good being out in the open, and not trapped in a small space.

With a quick glance behind him, he shut the door and looked around for something to keep it from being opened from the inside. His eyes caught sight of a thick board laying on the ground. Damien snatched it up and jammed it under the door handle. It should hold long enough for him to stay up here before jumping. He really wanted a last feel of the fresh air on his face, before he died. Damien didn't care if he died, he wasn't scared of it. His life had been hell for a long time, it was about time he was released from it. Death would just be better then his life had been. And it wasn't like anyone cared about him. It wouldn't matter if he died here and now.

:Don't jump!: A voice sounded in his head unexpectedly. The same voice he'd been hearing on and off since he'd been here.

Damien shook his head, the drugs were probably making him hear things that weren't there. He didn't pay any attention to it. It was just his mind playing tricks on him again. Damien used to talk back to the voice, but the voice started giving him pain. It wasn't bad pain, the voice would tell him to not give up, that help would come. But it never did.

He gazed at the sky, and wished he could be up there again, like that first time a year ago. It had felt so nice escaping from his body, so liberating. His body was the only anchor to this world, and he was sure that, with it gone, he could stay up in the sky for the rest of eternity.

There was a sudden banging behind him, and Damien glanced back at the door. It seemed that his time was up. As swiftly as he could, Damien went to the ledge and regarded the street below him. It was mostly deserted, only a few people could be seen walking around from a few shops.

:Damien! Listen to me, don't jump. I'm coming for you. Chosen, please listen!:

The voice had Damien staggering back down from the ledge, it made him dizzy. He shook it off and stepped back on to the edge.

There was another sudden bang from the door, startling Damien again. It wouldn't hold much longer. With a determined step off of the roof, he fell forward just as the door behind him crashed open. Damien saw Jared face behind him just before the wall obscured his view. When Damien Glanced down at the ground rushing towards him he smiled. He was finally going to be free.

Just before his body smashed into the ground, some force yanked him up before something else that looked a lot like a white horse ran under him. As soon as the horse was below him, the force holding him up let go and Damien fell onto the horses back. Since he wasn't excepting it, Damien's air was knocked out of him. He barley stayed on as the horse ran, his body not used to being on a horse.

The body beneath him galloped without stopping or slowing down. Damien couldn't help but hang on for dear life. The unexpected rescue made him forget about killing himself.

When Damien's grip started to slip, the horse stopped and stepped away from him. Damien fell to the floor, and lay for a few seconds on the ground. His side hurt, but Damien looked up and his eyes met the incredible sapphire colored eyes of the horse, no not a horse, it was a Companion. Damien felt like he was falling deeply into the sapphire eyes. There was a bottomless well of love that would never go away, no matter what had been done to him, no matter what he had done, that love would always remain. Damien felt the warmth of the love that he never thought he'd receive ever again. Happily, and with all of his heart, Damien returned the love with everything he had left in him. Every last crumb of himself, Damien freely gave and it was all returned by Lan. From this moment on, Damien knew that he would never be left alone, never again.

:Hello, Damien, I'm Lan and I Choose you. You won't ever be alone again, I promise.: The voice inside his head said and now Damien knew who it was. He wasn't crazy, it had been Lan all along.

Tears fell down his face, and Damien hugged Lan around his neck. He never wanted to let go. Never wanted to be taken away from his side. They stood like that a long while, the world had just been them for that time.

:I'll never leave you Damien.: Lan said, nuzzling his face. :Turn around. We have to go back to the rest of the world. Someone wants and needs to talk to you about what happened. But first your hurts need to be tended to and healed:

Damien immediately tensed up, his body filling with fear. All of a sudden, his muscles relaxed a little. Instinctively, Damien knew that Lan was helping him calm down. Hesitantly, Damien turned around and found himself inside the palace walls. Three people were standing a few feet away from him. Two of them were wearing all white, and the third was in Healer green.

Damien stepped closer to Lan, unsure about his surroundings. The reaction he had wasn't exactly unexpected, and he saw the three faces fill with sorrow for him. After that, Damien just kept his eyes trained on the ground. Even with Lan soothing him, Damien couldn't help but tremble with fear. For the past year, all he'd been was something to use. It was hard not thinking that that was what they were going to do here. Rationally, he knew that the Heralds would do no such thing to him. But even though rationally they wouldn't, his emotions and body couldn't help but to react like they would.

"Welcome to the Palace, Damien. We have been expecting you for some time now." One of the Heralds said. She looked small, with a heart shaped face. "I'm the Queen's Own Talia. Teren is the Dean for the Collegium. Healer Melric is here to heal any injuries you may have. If you follow him, he'll set you straight. We'll talk to you after."

Damien stayed frozen for a second before Lan gave him a gentle push. He looked back at Lan, then followed Melric to a large building.

"This is the Healer's Collegium. We'll go to a room with a door leading to the garden so that your Companion can be near you." The man said leading the way through the doors and down a hall. Melric stopped a few time to talk with fellow Healers, before continuing down the hall. With a final left turn, the Healer opened a door and motioned Damien to enter before him.

Damien cautiously looked in and when he saw the window where Lan was standing, he rushed towards him with relief clear on his face.

: It's going to be alright, Damien. You'll get Healed. That's all.: Lan said as he nuzzled Damien's head gently. Damien nodded his head reluctantly and turned to face the Healer.

"Do you have any recent injuries?" Melric asked, looking over what he could see of Damien with a critical eye.

Damien shook his head and mumbled. "Just bruises. They kept me drugged so I couldn't do much."

"Drugged? I see, we'll have to keep a watch on you incase they gave you anything addicting. What about these scars on your arm? Do they hurt? They don't seem like they healed well." He asked as he walked closer and gently lifted Damien's arm to see the lines crisscrossing across his arms.

Damien looked away and didn't answer.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Unsettling Events

"Melric, what did they do to him? Is he as unstable as I felt him to be?" Talia asked as they sat in the Deans office. They had left Damien in the Companions Field with Lan for the time being until they finished talking to Melric and each other.

"Nothing good, that's for sure. Sexual abuse is not the least of it. He probably hasn't seen the sun in a year, and whatever they were feeding him was definitely not enough. The cuts on his wrist and body were self inflicted. Some are older then a year. They also kept him drugged to stay compliant." Melric replied more then a little unsettled.

"Self inflicted? Did he tell you anything at all?" Elspeth asked with concern.

"Not much, just that the scars are from his own hand. He doesn't trust adults. I can tell that by the way he flinches away from close contact and how little he talks. Has Lan told you anything? Wouldn't it be better to get the story from Lan then Damien? How did he get to be in a place like that? The poor child, I can't believe there are people that would do that to children. Its appalling."

"You're right, that's why we left Damien with Lan. Less chance of him breaking down. And if he does, Lan is there. Lan has been telling Rolan that the reason Damien got there in the first place was because his step father was in debt and Damien was his payment to this Jared. His step-father Gareth knew about the side business that this Jared had, and to pay his debt he gave him Damien. That man has no morals whatsoever. Lan also tells me that the step-father was also sexually abusing Damien since he was thirteen, that's years of sexual abuse from his step-father and another year of it in that awful place. His mother did nothing about it at all! She knew about it before Damien was offered as payment, and she did nothing! Can you believe that? A mother not doing anything to protect her child? Its just so… wrong." Elspeth said with a sad sigh.

"We sent the guard to were they were living and its empty. Nothing there. When we asked the neighbors, they were surprised about it. So it was very recently that they moved out. He probably heard about how we went and closed off that awful building where Damien was kept." Talia said, giving Elspeth a little time to take a deep breath.

Elspeth started talking again with a nod at Talia. "When the Heralds and Guards got to where Lan rescued Damien, the whole damn building was mostly empty. Those piles of dirt must have seen Damien getting rescued by a Companion and high tailed it out of there as fast as their feet could take them. They only had minutes before the Heralds that were sent after Lan got there. All they left behind was some more children. Children as young as ten years old! And we're happy they left them. The poor things. Most of them are staying in the Healer Collegium until we're sure they're stable enough to move into the Homes that Queen Seleney built after the Tedrel Wars ended." Elspeth said more then a little wearily. Then an angry glint entered her eyes. "They should be properly cared for there, and if their parents had anything to do with how they got to be with this Jared, so help me, I'll hang them by their heels and skin them alive myself!"

"We'll find them. We'll find everyone who had something to do with this." Talia said with determination in her eyes. "We got the last ones that were doing this to children, and we'll catch these ones as well."

"What if we didn't catch all of them the last time and these are the ones we didn't catch? Plus there's still the thing where someone or something magical is cloaking their presence. We can assume that they'll be doing the same thing again where ever they go." Elspeth said in frustration.

"We'll just have to keep looking, maybe a Foresight or Farsight Gift will show us something. For now lets focus on the problems we can do something about. Damien should get a ground room. I'm not sure he would feel comfortable without Lan being there. I think I'll be the one to test him and see what he knows so we can place him in his appropriate classes. He shouldn't start right away, we'll keep him away from that for a few days until he gets used to how this works and all the people moving around." Talia said looking at everyone else in the room. Everyone nodded in agreement.

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:They're going to put you in a ground room. Its going to have a big window. I'll be able to look in on you, and be next to you.: Lan said nuzzling Damien's cheek.  
Damien smiled shyly and rubbed his arm a little in a self conscious gesture. "That's great, Lan. I… I don't think I'll be able to sleep in there though."

:It's alright. If you want, we can sleep out here. It's not that cold yet, but we might need to get you a lot of blankets, just in case.: Lan replied looking Damien in the eye.

"They'd really let me stay out here?" Damien asked hopefully. The air felt so good out in the open with trees and little streams running through the field. Damien didn't really want to go back into any building for a while. He'd just feel trapped. Even going into the Healers Collegium had been hard. And staying in the same room with the Healer had been even harder. If it hadn't been for Lan's help, Damien was sure that he'd have jumped out of the window and run away from there. Something popped into Damien's head, and he frowned a little. "They won't think I'm bad because I hurt myself any tried to kill myself, will they? And… they won't be disgusted with me?"

Lan shook his head vigorously. : No, they won't think anything bad about you. You did what you did to coup with your pain. And when you jumped off the building, it was a way of escape. You didn't want to go back to that small room. Nobody will think your bad for trying to get away from that. What other people did to you is not your fault, they are just sick and twisted individuals that really should be locked up. They will be locked up. And you believe me when I say that nobody here will hurt you, Chosen?:

Damien nodded his head slowly. "I.. I believe you. It's just I can't help how my body's reacting.. Even… Even with your help I still couldn't control my fear… I know it won't happen here… I just can't stop the fear." Damien looked at the ground in shame.

:Do not worry. Your body will learn and you will feel no fear. Not right away, that's just unreasonable, but in time you will. No matter how long it takes, I will be there for you, and so will every Companion and Herald out there.: Lan stated.

Damien walked to the little stream and looked down at his reflection. What he saw surprised him a little. His black hair was longer then its ever been before, his check bones were a little too prominent. It showed how poorly he'd been eating. His green eyes looked shadowed, yet there was something else that Damien couldn't make out yet. Plus, he looked like he'd gone through a sand storm. A bath was sounding very nice at this point. Hot water with soap and maybe falling asleep in the tub. Damien hadn't done that in what seemed like a century, even another life ago.

:You can go to the bathing room, grab a tube and some hot water if you want. You will have to go into the Collegium though.: Lan responded to Damien's thoughts.

"Is it empty?" Damien asked a little uncertainly.

:It should be, the trainees are usually in class right about now.: Lan said looking over his shoulder in thought.

Damien looked up at the sky for a moment. "No, I don't think I can just yet. I'll just use the stream. Its deep enough. At least until I can walk through buildings without feeling trapped…."

:You won't have to do that.: Lan said stepping closer to Damien. :The weapons master will let you use her bathing room. It will be empty and its not a big building because itss were she teaches weapons work and self defense.:

Damien blinked in surprise. "Really? I think that's alright then. You won't be far away, will you?"

:Of course I won't be far away. I'll keep talking to you, alright?: Lan saw Damien nod and continued. :Herald Talia is on her way with some trainee greys, socks, leather soled stockings for the time being. We'll have to take your measurements so a decent pair of boots can be made. The weapons master is Kerowyn, she'll meet us at the front of the Salle.:

"Alright, lets get this over with." Damien stood up and walked with his hand on Lan's shoulder. Slowly, they drifted to a small building that seemed to be were Companion's Field began. There was a woman wearing dark grey leathers standing right in front of what seemed to be the entrance. Damien glanced to his right and saw the Herald Talia from earlier walking towards the Salle with a sack over her shoulder.

"Damien, we're sorry it took us a while." Talia looked at him as they drifted closer to each other.

"It's alright… I understand you had a lot to talk over." Damien glanced at the ground, his face turning red at the thought.

"It wasn't anything bad about you, but it was bad. I wanted to let you know that this Jared disappeared along with whomever else was there, though they left a lot of the children. We don't know how many they took with them though. Your step-father disappeared too, along with anybody else that lived with you." Talia said with a grimace on her face.

Damien kept his eyes trained on the ground, then said. "I couldn't tell you how many of us they had. I has kept in a room by myself. I didn't see anyone else but the men… and I don't know where Gareth could have gone.." Damien trailed off, his voice barley a whisper.

"Don't worry, you don't have to talk about it to me Damien. For now lets get you cleaned up and into your new trainee greys. You're about a size ten. If its too big for you, we'll get you a smaller size later on. Now I'm sure Lan's already told you this, but I'll introduce you to our weapons master." Talia said as they stopped in front of the other woman. "Kerowyn, this is our newest trainee Damien. Damien, this is our weapons master Captain Kerowyn. She'll be teaching you self defense when we get you used to being around people again."

Kerowyn nodded and opened the door. "You're lucky this is a rest period for me. In an hour I'll have a bunch of trainees in here practicing their sword skills."

Damien timidly steeped into the mirror filled room, and followed the women towards another door and towards what he assumed was the bathing room. They left him alone at the door along with his new clothes.

:Its alright Damien, your fine. You'll see me in a little bit, so enjoy the water.: Lan said in his head.

Damien opened the door and stepped through and into the room. In a sense, he would be washing away his old life before he stared his new one. Even though he was scared and his reaction to these people was not deserved at all, Damien knew that he'd finally found his place. A place where he belonged, where he'd been accepted. All because of Lan, and Damien was happy about it. Lan, he knew, would never leave him. Lan was better then family, because Lan would never desert him. Never, this Damien knew from the bottom of his heart and soul.


	5. Chapter 5

At first, Damien was shy of being near the rest of the population at the Collegium, and took great pains of making sure not to be trapped in a building or within close range of anyone but Talia. Yet as he got used to his new surroundings, Damien felt liberated, a weight lighted off his shoulders. Slowly, he was put into class, at first with only a teacher and maybe three other trainees, then slowly another class was added. His days got a little harder but it wasn't bad, not even close to it. The knowledge they were shoving into his head was overwhelming, yet it was fascinating. He'd never thought he'd like learning this much, in the past it had only been an escape from his house, family, all the troubles. Now that he didn't have to use it as a distraction, Damien found that everything was interesting. Sure he didn't like all of it, but most of it was enjoyable. To his surprise, weapons training was his favorite class, and he'd learned a lot more then his barely there knife skills.

After a while Damien finally got accustomed to being around so many more people. Not talking to them, of course, but observing from a distance or trying to be invisible when he had no other choice but to walk through them. They were everywhere, some with clothes that Damien was very familiar with, associated with rich people of course, Damien had never worn what they wore, and some other people with things he'd never seen before in his life, which he'd also never worn. The strangers were dressed even more colorfully then the rainbow, it was mind-boggling. Though it was a bizarre way to dress, it suited the outlanders. Of course not all of them dressed colorfully, some dressed less flamboyantly, yet you could tell they came from the same people. Then there were the ones who looked kind of like the Hawkbrothers, yet not a Hawkbrother. Damien had heard what they were called but the only part he could remember was the Shin part and some others that had branched out from them over the years. Though it might have been the Hawkbrothers that had branched out…. He wasn't completely sure just yet, and the Hawkbrothers were also called something else, which was very confusing to Damien. His head spun at all the information being thrown at him.

Just as he'd gotten a little used to them, though not really having all his information straightened out, something else had giving him a shock one day.

When he'd seen the Gryphon, Damien thought he'd finally gone mad. The mind-speaking kree, and barely seen reptile like hertasi that came with the Hawkbrothers were quite a jolt as well. Lan explained it all to Damien though and since Lan was mid-speaking to him and technically a person in a horses body, Damien just associated them to also be like Lan. They became normal even if they didn't look like people. He also found out that there were more different kinds out in the Pelegris and beyond. Whenever he saw something unusual now, he didn't even bat an eye, or at least not that much.

Slowly he was integrating into his new trainee life, and Damien found that he liked it, it was amazing and so wonderful. He was still shy about talking to others so he didn't make his first friend for a little while. It wasn't because the rest of the trainees weren't friendly, mostly it was the fact that Damien only replied with a head nod or a shake whenever they talked to him.

That changed two moons before Midwinter's eve, when Lissa found him walking around Companion's Field on his break. It had started to snow early that morning and Damien wanted to wander around in the wonderfully fluffy, cold, white world. It was the first snow of the year and Damien couldn't help but go and get lost in it, not even paying attention to anything but the snow and Lan who was walking with him. Just then, Lissa had popped out of nowhere right in front of them. She was a tiny little thing, with dark blond hair and green eyes. She'd just walked up closer to him with a big friendly smile on her face.

"Hi, I'm Lissa. Nice to meet you." And she stayed next to him, commenting on things she saw, and waited for his nod and she kept on talking like he'd answered her.

For a while after that first day all Damien did was nod or shake his head in the negative every once in a while whenever she decided to be around him. This didn't seem to bother her much at all. She just chattered away, talking about some new song that a Bard trainee had made and how popular it was becoming with the court or what a fellow Herald trainee had done wrong. Normal things, things that didn't really need any words from him. After a few weeks, his headshakes became a word or two, then short sentences. Finally, he was talking and laughing which made Damien feel happy, he wasn't scared of Lissa, she was someone who didn't make him feel any fear at all. This girl wanted to be his friend, no one had wanted to be his friend in a long time, but she did. And she showed it. She was constantly talking to him, never making him feel out of place or like an outsider. Now Damien was talking to her more then he'd ever had before to anyone in his whole life, she just had that something that made his comfortable talking to her.

"What's your favorite subject so far, Damien?" Lissa asked as they walked down towards the salle and weapons master Kerowyn's class.

"I think I like weapons work the most." Damien said thoughtfully looking up at the cloudy sky. "Do you think its going to snow again? The last snow melted too soon and we've only had a few snowy days so far this winter."

"It might snow today. Those clouds look pretty mean. It feels colder too. My cloak in so warm and toasty, but that's not going to last for very long." Lissa grumbled as she spotted the students already stretching and doing warm ups outside of the salle.

"No, you're going to be warm, toasty, and sweaty." Damien teased her as they walked into the little field surrounding the salle. Weapons master Kerowyn just pointed to what their fellow trainees were doing and Damien nodded along with Lissa. They stretched out slowly, then after that, when everyone arrived, Kerowyn had the run some laps around the salle to get warmed up.

"I'm going to throw up my food, I just know it!" Lissa said, panting heavily after the third lap around.

"How many times do I have to tell you to wake up early and not sleep in on weapons day. That way you eat an hour before we come here." Damien said and the slowed to a stop in front of the weapons mistress.

"Sleeping in late on these days is my one pleasure right now, so I will keep doing it." Lissa said wiping the sweat off of her forehead. They had taken off their cloaks when the stretches where finished.

"Then don't complain when you do throw up all over your feet one of these days." Damien stated grinning down at her.

Lissa stuck her tongue out at him, then they both focused on what Kerowyn was saying before they got reprimanded for not paying attention.

"Today we will be working on our sword and shield skills. Go pick out your gear and meet me back here. No dallying allowed." And she shooed them away into the salle to pick out their gear and wooden swords. They wouldn't be practicing with real steel for quite some time.

Lissa walked next to Damien as they headed into the salle. They both got their things and went back out side to stand in a line. Since she'd gotten to know Damien, she'd stayed glued to his side, and Damien didn't mind, she was his friend and it was nice having someone who cared.

"Starting with Tenniel, the trainee on your left will be your partner, now face each other." She waited a few seconds for them to do what she said then started barking out orders. In less then five minutes, Damien was starting to sweat. Less then half a candlemark later, Damien's arms were burning, with sweat pouring down his face. All of the other trainees looked much like he did. Soon after that, the weapons master let them drop their arms and take a little rest break. When their arms stopped hurting, Kerowyn made them do stretches and fast walk around the salle again before letting them go.

"Is it just me, or is she making us fight longer?" Lissa asked as they headed slowly back to the Collegium and to their warm baths in Lissa's case. Damien always took one after everyone had left the area.

"She is making us fight a little longer each time. But notice that the running has decreased, so that's a little better." Damien stated. "I'll see you at lunch, alright?"

Lissa nodded and with a wave of her hand, headed into the girls side of the building.

Damien disappearing into the boys side, and opened his door, which was the closest one on the boys side. His room was clean, it usually was. The only thing he had were with clothes and a few of his class books which he liked reading. They were so interesting, much more then the one's the Priest at the Temple taught from. Since he already had to read to chapter seven later that night, Damien started reading it to get ahead. After half a candle mark passed, Damien got a clean pair of trainee greys and headed for a quick bath.

When he got there, the bathing room was mercifully empty. Damien filled the tub that was closest to the door up with warmish water. The water was probably not as warm as it could have been when Damien got in, but that was to be expected since it took a little while for the kettles to warm up water after it had been used. Damien soaked in the water for a bit, letting his tight muscles loosen up before using the soap and quickly rinsing that off. He left the bathing room about two minutes after and headed down to meet Lissa. He found her on the quiet side of the hall waiting at a table near a window.

"Damien! About time! I'm starving! Let's eat." Lissa said biting into a bread roll as soon as he sat down,

"Why so hungry? Didn't you stuff yourself a little while ago?" Damien shook his head in amazement at the amount of food on her plate.

"That wasn't stuffing myself! Besides, all that practice makes you hungry, you can't deny that!" Lissa said as she took a sip of water.

Damien chuckled and waited for the servers to come around again. When they did, it was with a trey full of fried fish and fried bread. His mouth started to water as soon as he saw it, then took a big bite not long after the delicious fish hit his plate. After the year of just cabbage soup, anything and everything made at the Collegium was heavenly. Supposedly the high borns and Queen's court ate better, but Damien couldn't really believe that when this was the best thing he's eaten.

"I told you so." Lissa said with a giggle. "Hey, have you gone to the marketplace down in Haven yet?"

Damien pretended to have his mouth full while he thought. He hadn't told anyone who didn't already know from Talia where he had come from, or what his past was like. Whenever the topic came up, he just pretended to have something he had to do that second (in Lissa's case) or stayed quiet (in the case of his fellow curious trainees). So when Lissa asked her question, Damien didn't know how to answer, then finally decided on the truth. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't just pretend to keep chewing the same piece of fish, plus if he ended up taking another bite before answering, it would be rude of him. Being rude to Lissa definitely wasn't on the top of his to do list. She was his only friend, and Damien really didn't want to lose her.

"I've always been too busy doing errands for people that I've never really slowed down enough to look around. The only time, was probably when I was a baby, and that was a very long time ago."

"Really? I've always gone to it, my favorite time is during Midwinter. There's always a lot of new things to see, and all the food smells just make you want to go crazy." Lissa stated happily. "Since our break starts tomorrow and we got our stipends the other day, why don't we go shopping for midwinter gifts? It'll be so much fun! I can get my shopping done way before the time I usually do!"

Damien tried to hide his unease behind a smile, he hoped that Lissa didn't notice the fear in his eyes. "Is it going to be crowded with people?"

Lissa glanced thoughtfully up at the ceiling. "Its not going to be as crowded as the few days before Midwinter's Eve but it will be a bit crowded. Don't worry though, it won't be that bad, I'll show you around, and we'll be on our Companion's backs so we can just stay on them if things get too rowdy."

Damien reluctantly agreed and got lost in his own thoughts, no longer quite as hungry.

:Don't worry Chosen, everything will be fine, and like Lissa said, I'll be there with you. Its about time you went and enjoyed yourself, you've been stuck here since I first brought you, its high time you started exploring more.: Lan's voice sounded through Damien's head, and the worry he felt diminished after Lan's words.

:Alright… Thanks Lan.: Damien smiled and looked up at Lissa. "What time do you want to meet tomorrow?"

Lissa couldn't stay still in her seat, her excitement evident in every fiber of her being. "How about at the ninth bell? It'll be early so it won't be as crowded as in the afternoon but its not too early either."

Damien nodded in agreement before going back to eating, though he didn't eat as much as he could have.

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Next Day:

Damien rubbed his sleepy eyes vigorously as he stepped out into the cold morning air. After a few seconds passed, the sleepy-ness went away and Damien walked down to the gate were Lan, Lissa and her Companion Fiona were waiting already.

"That's a surprise, I'm here before you are, Damien!" Lissa grinned. "

Damien grinned sheepishly at her. "Sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night."

Lissa immediately got worried. "Are you ok? Do you want to go another time? Was it a bad dream?"

Damien's smiled wilted a little, then he forced it back up. "We can still go, it really only was a bad dream." At least now it really only was a dream, back then, not so much a bad dream but a living nightmare. But something had been off about this dream, it had been the first bad one that didn't have Jared or Gareth in it, this time it had been someone who knew them both, was the leader and he'd been worse then Gareth and Jared combined… Good thing it was only a dream…

Lissa still looked worried, so Damien patted her head, knowing that she hated when he did that. It always made her feel like a little kid even though she was the same age as him.

"Why do you treat me like such a kid?" Lissa grumbled as they climbed up on their Companion's backs.

"Because you act like one." Damien grinned at her. She pouted back then smiled again.

"Come on time to go down and see what we find!" Lissa said waving to the guards goodbye as they passed by them. Damien nodded his head at them then caught up with Lissa until they were riding side by side.

Slowly, they winded around the streets until they came across the market place for the middling people who weren't wealthy but were doing moderately better then the dirt poor citizens near Exiles Gate. Damien's old neighborhood was slightly better then this one and on the other side of Haven, which was good, he really didn't want to spot an old neighbor.

The street was full of people making their ways from one booth to another, looking for gifts or things for themselves.

Damien felt his chest squeeze in fear before Lissa looked at him and pointed to the other side of the street.

"Lets go look at that one that has a bunch of different things, maybe we'll find something interesting?" She headed over with Damien right behind her, luckily for him, there was a lot less people on that side then on this side and the tightness in his chest loosened a little. Damien got down from Lan and headed to a stall with Lan not far behind.

"Damien, look at this!"

Damien looked over her shoulder and saw a really nice looking knife. It looked used but it was well kept and unless you'd bought it at the second had vender yourself then you wouldn't know that it wasn't new.

He picked it up and tested how sharp it was on his thumb. He'd hardly put any pressure on it, and it made a thin cut. "This is a good one I'd get it…" Damien's eyes widened at the price. " I don't really need this one. Look, there's some more over there, maybe there's a less expensive one."

Lissa rolled her eyes and as soon as Damien went to go look at something else she purchased it and hid it in her cloak before Damien could see what she'd done.

Damien's eyes scanned though the stands then he caught sight of a necklace that had what looked like a little sapphire eye. It was the exact same shade as Lissa's Companion Fiona's eyes. He quickly glanced around to track where Lissa was and found her still by the used things. Damien hurried over to the necklace, Lan making sure to stand between him and Lissa. He looked at it carefully, the white braided thread looked nice with the sapphire eye, it was simple yet looked pretty, at least he thought it was something that looked pretty and Lissa would love it. Damien took it to the merchant who told him how much it was and he breathed a sigh of relief, he definitely had enough to cover the cost. Damien took out a silver coin and hid the necklace away along with his change.

:That's a very nice necklace for Lissa, she'll love it.: Lans voice sounded through his head and Damien grinned with pleasure.

:She'll never want to take it off.: Damien replied as he smiled with happiness. His smile turned to a frown as soon as someone pushed into him. Damien turned his head to see who it was but his eyes saw no one near enough to have had pushed into him. Damien noticed that in the time that he'd purchased the necklace, the street had filled up with even more people, and Damien felt the panic building up again.

:Climb on, Chosen. Lissa's on Fiona and she's looking for us.: Lan said stepping next to Damien so he could get on.

Damien shakily got into the saddle and they pushed their way towards Lissa who was waving them over.

Just as he got to her, Damien felt his skin crawl. His eye's widened in shock and they darted around, trying to find him. He could feel someone looking at him, could feel the gaze of Jared go right through him. His frantic searching found nothing, then the feeling of being watched went away and Damien went limp with relief.

:Lan, can we go now?: Damien asked not wanting to stay any longer. Thinking that he was being watched may have just been his imagination, but it had shaken Damien and he didn't think that he'd be able to stay any longer.

:Sure, I'll tell Fiona.: Lan said and Damien closed his eyes, he didn't think he'd be able to speak. The feeling of being watched made his want to hurl the contents of his stomach onto the ground below him, and considering that Damien was on Lan, someone was sure to get hit by his vomit if he threw up right then.

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Jared POV:

"Damien was Chosen and is currently living at the Palace." Jared said, voice low.

"Is that so?" The mage said to Jared who was looking at the floor in front of him so he wouldn't meet the mage's eyes.

"Yes, sir." Jared replied with a hard swallow. The mage had been enraged when he'd found that the Heralds had raided the hideout he'd worked so hard to make unnoticeable to other mages and he'd punished Jared for it, not that it had been Jared's fault. He was also upset about the fact that his pet project had jumped off the roof of the building before the Heralds got there.

"I see…" The mage said, his cold eyes narrowing to slits as he thought. Suddenly an ugly grin appeared on his face. "We haven't had anyone mess with any of the Heralds yet… and Damien is a good way to start. It should undermine his trust in people once again, maybe we'll have him back with us once again. His energy is strong… I wouldn't mind taking that from him once more. However, this time he's not leaving."

Jared nodded curtly and left the room hoping that he wouldn't have to come back anytime soon.

The mages eyes turned back to the mirror before him, his eyes going colder then before the evil smile appearing as he thought of the power he would posses. The current one's he had weren't nearly as strong, Damien and the power he held within would be his once again. He would make sure of it.

The grin grew wider still as he thought of the cloaking spell he'd put over Damien since he'd found the boys power. The Heralds Mages would never sense it, and it didn't need his help since the spell was tied to Damien, who would feed it from his energy, no one the wiser that it even existed…


	6. Chapter 6

"Damien! Do you want to go ice skating? There's a small lake near the Home Farms that has frozen over, and we can use it!" Lissa's delight at the prospect of skating was contagious.

"Sure!" Damien said feeling excited, before realizing something important. "Wait… I don't know how to ice skate…"

"It's ok!" Lissa giggled happily. "I can teach you! Come on, we'll go right now! It should be just us, I noticed it when I went to help watch some of those fish that we love so much on fry-day."

Cautiously, Damien nodded his head. He'd never done anything fun before coming to the Collegium and meeting Lissa. She made the days brighter, just with her presence and she was always finding something new to do or show him. "What do we need to get?"

Lissa scrunched up her face in thought. "Well, we need a few pocket pies for one. They'll do the double duty of keeping us warm and something to snack on for when we get hungry."

Damien agreed with that. "I'll go ask and see if they have some. What else do we need?"

"I have two pairs of those strap on wooden skates, I'll get them from my room now. I think that's everything… Yes, that's everything. I'll meet you back here in a bit?"

Damien nodded, turned towards the kitchen. Hopefully they would have a couple of pocket pies left over for them.

"What can I do for you lad?" The head cook, Liam asked as Damien stepped into the busy kitchen. They weren't cooking just yet, but they were cleaning all of the dirty pots and pans that they'd used for breakfast.

Damien had to work his throat a bit to be able to get any words out for a minute. "I was wondering if you had any extra meat pies?"

Liam smiled warmly at him, then headed off to the side, soon he was back with four meat pies. "Its best if you wrap them up in a scarf or clean handkerchief and put them in your pocket. They'll keep your hands warm."

"Thank you." Damien said ducking his head as he grabbled a hold of the four pies, with a last nod, he left. When Damien got to the meeting spot, Lissa was already there with both Fiona and Lan.

"You got them?" Lissa asked, her eyes lighting up as she caught sight of the pies.

"Yes." Damien replied with a smile at the look on her face. "You got the skates?"

She nodded and pointed to the pack strapped onto Fiona's harness. "Let's put the extra ones on the other side and lets go! The longer we wait, the sooner it gets dark."

Damien chuckled and followed her instructions, that done he walked over her and handed her two pies so that she could stuff them into her coat pockets and did the same with his own two pies then went to Lan and hoisted himself up and onto the saddle. "Lead on, Lissa, before your head explodes with impatience."

Lissa had gotten up onto Fiona's saddle, as soon as she heard what Damien had said, she turned towards him and stuck her tongue out. "First one there gets to open their Midwinter Gift early!" With that she took off, leaving Damien behind.

"Hey! That's not fair!" Lan surged after Lissa and Fiona as Damien yelled at their disappearing backs.

:Don't worry Chosen, we'll get there. I know what pond she was talking about! Hold on tight!: Lan said to Damien and they flew through the field. They quickly caught up to the other two.

Lissa glanced back and Damien could see that her eyes widened in shock at how close he had gotten in such little time. He grinned at her as Lan surged passed them. Lissa lowered herself so her upper body was parallel to Fiona and with a determined look on her face, tried to close the gap between them.

Damien made himself not look back at her, and willed Lan to go faster. Just when he thought that Fiona would be neck and neck with Lan, they crossed into a clearing. Then Damien spotted the frozen pond and with what seemed like a hop, Lan landed near the pond.

"Awww, we were so close!" Lissa huffed out as Fiona stopped next to Lan.

"And to think, you guys had a head start. Goes to show you that cheating never works." Damien smirked at the girl who pretended to look offended at his accusation.

"Cheat? Us? Never. Why you would lie about something like that, I wouldn't know. Bad Damien!" Lissa stated with a mischievous looking Fiona nodding her head in agreement.

"Yeah, sure." Damien shook his head along with Lan before swinging his leg over Lan's back and onto the snowy ground below. "Well hurry up then, you want me to learn how to skate, don't you? If you don't hurry up we won't get a chance to see if I'm a natural or not!"

Lissa chuckled and swung off of Fiona's back. Once her feet touched the ground she wasted no time in untying the saddlebags and taking out the skates.

"Here, strap these onto your boots." Lissa said handing him the wooden blades. "When you have that done, grab my hand and I'll walk with you slowly onto the ice. Try not to fall."

"Me? Fall? You wish." Damien grinned standing more then a little unsteadily on his feet. Luckily Lan stepped ever so smoothly next to him so Damien could steady himself.

Lissa hadn't noticed because she was busy with her on straps but Fiona was giving Damien an amused look.

"Alright, you ready?" Lissa asked as she straightened up and headed towards the ice.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Damien replied as he followed her with Lan staying next to him every step of the way. After that, Lissa held out her hand and Damien gripped it in his own tightly.

"Try pushing yourself with your back foot a little." Lissa told him as he gingerly set his foot on the ice.

Damien nodded, already sweating a little, his feet didn't feel steady at all.

Lissa lead him slowly around the pond near the edge, and little by little, Damien got the hang of it.

"Want me to let you go?" Lissa asked smiling at him.

"Yeah, I think I can do it." Damien said and Lissa let go of his arm. Not even a slow slide later, he felt his leg slip, and down he went with a loud thump.

Damien groaned and pushed himself up just as Lissa knelt next to him with a concerned look on her face.

"I think I'm done for now." Damien tried to grin at her but it was more of a grimace of pain.

"Lets eat those pocket pies, plus they'll warm you up a little." Lissa replied as she helped Damien up.

"Sounds good to me." He groaned and he rubbed his bruised knee. A few stumbles to their right and with a flop, Damien landed on the snowy bank face first.

He rolled over and sat up, then untied the straps from his feet. Damien doubted that he would be skating again that day, they'd already been out for a few hours and the sky looked like it was darkening a little.

"I'll give Fiona and Lan their pies."

Damien nodded thanks and pulled out one of his pies. It was still warm, not burning but warm and would make his freezing hands less freezing.

"What are you planning to do for midwinter break? Are you going to go with your family?" Lissa asked when she sat down next to him with her own pie in her hands.

Damien shook his head, ready for that question. "I have no clue yet. What about you?"

"Going to my parents, we're having a big family gathering. People are going to be stuffed into every nook and cranny that my mother can find. I don't know why she won't let me stay here and just go when everything is finished…" Lissa shrugged and popped a piece of pie crust into her mouth.

"She probably wants your help with everything." Damien replied.

"That makes sense, but still why crowd everyone together like that?" Lissa sighed. "Can't help it. I'll just make the best of it. Maybe I can convince her to let me sleep here and just wake up early every morning."

Damien nodded in agreement. " She might let you do that, but if she doesn't, its going to be very boring without you."

"Aww, you'll miss me that much?" Lissa teased, her smile getting bigger.

"Of course I'll miss you. We're friends, aren't we?" Damien raised his eyebrow at her.

Lissa laughed, Damien grinned and they both finished off their pies and packed everything away.

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Damien found himself running from his room to get to the gates in time. Lissa was leaving to go to her family and he wanted to see her off and give his friend her Midwinter's Eve present. If he didn't wind up catching her, he would wind up having to wait until she came back, and he just couldn't wait that long. It would have helped if her mom had let her stay the nights at the Collegium, but that had been shot down as soon as Lissa had asked it.

Damien spotted Lissa putting her packs in her saddle bags.

"Lissa!" Damien ran up to her then stopped before crashing into her.

"Damien! I'm glad you came to say bye." She said grinning up at him.

"Why wouldn't I come? You are my friend, aren't you?" Damien chuckled then held out a wrapped package. Lissa looked at it before taking it and smiling at you.

"You didn't have too! Thank you."

"I wanted to." Damien smiled. "Well, go on. Open it."

Lissa slowly unwrapped the paper and then opened the little box. Her eyes widened in excitement and she pulled out the necklace. "Its beautiful! Thank you so much Damien!" Lissa exclaimed then gave him an unexpected hug. After the hug she slipped the necklace over her head.

"I have something for you too, but you have to wait until I come back, and make sure you have a groat!"

"What for?" Damien asked confused.

"You'll see." Lissa replied with twinkling eyes. "Tell Lan bye for us! See you later and thank you again. I love it!"

Damien watched her leave and waved goodbye when she looked back once. With a sigh, Damien turned and headed back towards his room.

Too lost in thought, Damien wasn't paying attention to anything until he collided with someone.

"I'm so sorry." Damien said worriedly, automatically reaching over to help the girl off of the ground.

"Oh, its alright. Damien, isn't it?" The girl smiled prettily at him, then walked away with a wink.

Damien stared after her in confusion, then with a shrug, resumed walking towards his room, wishing that Lissa was back already.


	7. Chapter 7

"You will never be a good Herald, Damien." Every single Heralds voice combined into one, bending Damien down at the words that they spoke.

"Damien, you were never really my friend." Lissa's words stabbed Damien through the heart.

:I never wanted to Choose you.: Lan's words broke Damien, he feel to the floor, tears streaming down his face. The pain in his chest grew stronger and stronger with each passing second.

Damien woke up from his dream with a start, sweat pouring down his face. It had seemed so real, so much pain, so much rejection…

:What's the matter, Chosen?: Lan's voice broke through his head like a ray of sunshine in the darkest corner of a cave.

He must have been woken up by his constant emotion leaks through their connection, Damien couldn't control them when he was asleep, he'd found that out the very first night he spent at the Collegium. :I'm sorry, did I wake you?: Damien sighed, scooted to the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through his sweat soaked hair.

:Don't worry about it, Chosen. Now, do you want to talk about it?:

Damien stayed quiet for a moment, making sure that none of his thoughts could leak through to Lan. :I just had a bad dream, that's all it was, a nightmare.:

:I'm sorry, Chosen…:

:It's alright, Lan. It's not your fault that I'm having them. Nothing we can do about it either… Anyway, what time is it?: Damien asked as he heaved himself off the bed. The light coming through the winder was darker then it should have been.

:It's just after noon. You should go to the kitchen and make something to eat: Lan prompted, a little hunger in his mind voice.

:Its that late already? We overslept by a long shot!: Damien grumbled as he walked to his wardrobe, stretching his arms above his head, making his joints pop. Then he pulled out his grays and hurried into them.

Once ready, Damien took a look around his room. It was almost clean… it could wait until after he'd eaten to clean up the little mess there was. Since inspections were non existent until more trainees came back, he'd be fine leaving it like it was.

The hall was completely empty as Damien closed his door behind him. It would be that way for at least a few more days. As far as he knew, he was the only Heraldic trainee still in residence. The only one that didn't have a place to go during Midwinter Break. Everyone else that wouldn't have had a place either had been invited over to their friend's celebrations. Damien, being to shy to even talk to anyone other then Lissa, hadn't made any new friends. Friends that would have probably invited him over too, if he hadn't been so shy.

Lissa had apologized that she couldn't bring him. Her mother had thrown a fit over having to invite some she didn't really know, even if he was a Heraldic trainee like Lissa. Lissa had been devastated, but Damien hadn't been mad or even upset at her.

Hopefully next year it wouldn't be so lonely…

:I know its not much, but we could have our own celebration here in the Companion's Stable, if you want..: Lan's voice interrupted Damien's train of thought.

:You know what? That is a wonderful idea, Lan!: Damien couldn't help but smile. He'd been thinking negatively, completely forgetting that he wasn't really alone.

He would never really be alone again, because he had Lan. And that summed everything up. Lan was always going be a constant in his life, the only person that would never leave him, the one that would be forever by his side.

:You can bring a basket full of food, and we might as well start celebrating early.:

Damien snorted as he got to the kitchen, luckily, no one heard him because the large room was empty of any living person. :You just want to get your teeth into a meat pie, you little glutton.: Damien teased.

:You know me too well.: Lan replied with not even a drop of shame in his mind voice.

Damien chuckled, and then with an effectiveness that would make the most critical cook proud, he made up everything that he knew he could eat, then made another double portion for Lan. By the time he was done and stuffed everything into what had seemed a good sized basket when he'd first picked out, it was a lot later then he'd originally planed. His stomach gave him a growl and Damien was only too sure that Lan was equally eager to begin the festivities.

With a quick clean-up of any mess he made, Damien headed off, basket in tow, to meet up with Lan.

:Almost here?: Lan asked with a hopeful tone.

:Yes, almost: Damien couldn't help but chuckle.

Now that he thought about it, he should have had more trouble with learning mind speech, but he hadn't, and Damien was extremely grateful for that.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Do you understand me?" His voice rolled over their heads.

"Yes, sir." The voices said in unison.

"Good. I don't want any mistakes."

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:Damien, please, just one more? Pleaseeeeeeeee, one more won't hurt.: Lan begged, trying to the puppy look. Ears pulled down, wide eyes, and to put the cherry on top, little tears on the corners.

"You've had to many already." Damien shook his head, making sure to keep the basket that held the pies behind his back and away from his Companion's teeth.

:One? Please? That's all I'm asking for, just one little meat pie… I won't ask for any more, I promise!: Lan tried snatching the basket away from Damien's hands.

"Fine! But just one more! I don't want to be blamed for single-handedly getting my Companion out of shape." Damien teased, taking a pie out and holding it so that Lan could eat it comfortably.

"Alright, its time for me to go. I had fun, thanks, Lan." Damien said, stroking his Companion's mane with his empty hand.

Lan finished up the last of the pie crumbs and nuzzled Damien gently. After a few seconds, Damien stepped back and walked away with one last wave at Lan.

With a quick detour to the kitchen to drop off the basket, Damien slowly headed back to his room, lost in thought once again.

"Hello, we meet again." A voice that Damien vaguely recognized said from just in front of him.

With a started gasp, Damien looked up. He saw the girl that he had bumped into the other day, the one that had somehow already known his name. She wasn't alone this time, a young man, just a little bit older then Damien was with her.

This young man caught Damien's eye right away. He was incredibly attractive, tanned skin with shoulder length black hair and golden eyes that seemed so warm.

Damien made himself stop gawking at him, and finally answered the girl. "Yes, I'm sorry about bumping into you the other day."

"Don't worry about it." She smiled but Damien had already turned his gaze back to the young man who gave him a little grin and a wink.

Damien blushed red and turned his eyes away. "I'd better go… I haven't finished with my chores just yet…" A little panic began to settle into Damien's head. He really wasn't used to people yet. And the way the man was acting…

"Wait, we haven't introduced ourselves yet. We'd like to be your friends, that is, if you want to be." The young man said, stopping Damien from walking away by just using his voice.

Damien smiled nervously, but he couldn't help but be drawn to him. "Sorry, of course I would. I… I think that you already know who I am…" Damien stammered a little, his face flushed.

"Yes we do, Damien." He smiled. "My sister here is Alicia, my name is Levi."

Damien gingerly stuck out his hand to Alicia, then to Levi who held it a few seconds longer, eyes locked onto Damien's face.

"I hope to be seeing more of you." Levi stated with a grin, before walking away, his sister right beside him.

Damien stood rooted to the ground, eyes following Levi's form until it disappeared from his view.


	8. Chapter 8

Over the next few days, Damien kept bumping into Levi and Alicia. It seemed like whenever he was wondering around, they ended up seeing each other by chance. At first it was with both Alicia and Levi but then it started to be just Levi. Their conversations, at first, were short. Usually just a "good morning" or "how are you?" but then they began to get a little longer.

"What's your favorite food, Damien?" Levi asked as they strolled around the dormant gardens one late and cold afternoon.

Damien thought about it for a second before opening his mouth, but before his voice even got a chance to appear from him, his foot slipped on some ice and he went down. Or at least that's what was supposed to happen. When Damien opened his eye's, he saw Levi. He had stopped Damien's fall.

"Thanks." Damien couldn't help but feel his heart race with a little panic, and something else, something he hadn't ever felt before… and he had no idea what it was…

Damien got his feet under him and Levi let go of him, thought to Damien it felt like he did so reluctantly.

"Why don't we go inside and eat? Its around dinner time so there should be food left." Levi suggested.

"Alright, sounds good to me." Damien stepped extremely carefully until they made it to the double doors. "Oh, and I like all food, there's not really a favorite because everything is good."

"You like everything? Even fish?" Levi asked a little surprised.

Damien nodded with a smile. "Fish, especially when its fried, is delicious."

Levi just shook his head at that and changed the subject a little. "Where have you been eating? You're the only Heraldic trainee I've seen since break started."

"I usually just grab something from the Collegium kitchen. They always have this cupboard stuffed with food that you can make yourself so that's where I've been getting my food. I know I can go eat with the court but I don't really talk to anyone so I'd rather go make myself something and eat it with Lan."

"Well, how about today, you eat with me." Levi stated with a grin that made Damien's heart beat a little faster for some reason.

Damien couldn't speak for a second so he just nodded his head and they walked down the hall and into the dinning hall.

Levi led Damien to seats away from the rest of the people, a mixture of Heralds, Council members, Council members family members, Nobles, Diplomats, Ambassadors and servants(serving the food).

They had arrived in the middle of the feast but there was plenty of food left over as the servants brought over plate after plate of food.

"You've never eaten here before?" Levi asked of Damien, after they'd finished their food.

"No, just at the Collegium."

"Well, what did you think of it?" Levi asked with a smile.

"It was really good." Damien replied with a smile of his own.

"Come on, I'll walk you back to your room. It's already a bit late."

Damien nodded with a smile. They quickly left the dinning hall and walked in silence, but it wasn't an awkward at all. To Damien it was a content silence, nothing bad had happened, nothing but good. Even if he had been a little uncomfortable with a few things, it really wasn't Levi's fault because he hadn't told him about his past.

Damien's heart sank a little at that. What would Levi think about his past? Would he still want to be around him?

:Lan, you've been quiet, what's wrong?: Damien mind-spoke to Lan as soon as he was alone in his room.

:Nothing, Chosen. Did you have a good time?: Lan responded immediately. But to Damien, he seemed like he was hiding something.

:Please, tell me. I know there's something bothering you, Lan. What is it?:

:…Please don't be upset… Sometimes this happens with us. I don't… trust… Levi…: Lan said haltingly.

:Wait… you don't? Why?: Damien asked a little shocked.

:I don't know… I just don't like him… I'm sorry…:


	9. Chapter 9

That night, Damien couldn't get Lan to say another word. After an hour of mental silence from Lan, Damien finally gave up with a sigh of frustration. He closed his eyes after a few moments of staring up at the ceiling and promptly fell asleep. Little did he know that when morning came, there would be a few more surprises in store for him.

"My father wants me to go back home for a few weeks." Levi told Damien as they walked through one of the gardens. The snow was minimal and even though the flowers weren't alive, they weren't really dead either. It was a sleeping kind of beauty, with the promise of awakening come spring. The air was fresh if a bit chilly. The sun warmed their skin where it touched, it was extremely peaceful in the garden.

Damien felt the disappointment hit him as Levi's words replayed themselves through his mind a couple of times. His heart wilted a little, Damien would miss Levi. He already considered the older teen a friend, they had grown extremely close these past few days.

And it was a closeness that Lan didn't particularly like. The crease deepened on Damien's forehead as Lan crossed his thoughts. Why was it so hard for Lan to like Levi? Levi had done nothing... bad. He hadn't even raised his voice in anger. Those eyes showed nothing but kindness... and something else that Damien couldn't quit put a name on.

His disappointment lessened as he thought some more. He could use this opportunity to get Lan to either tell him why he didn't like Levi, or to show him why he should like Levi. With a little satisfied smile, Damien turned his attention back to Levi who was still talking. Luckily he hadn't noticed Damien's lapse of attention.

"I'm going to miss you, Damien." Levi's tone of voice made Damien's heart skip a beat.

Damien didn't know why his heart fluttered like that but it wasn't bad. That he knew for sure. "I'm going to miss you too. I really enjoy your company. Did your father tell you why you need to go? Isn't it a bit sudden? This isn't the weather for traveling, at least not normally."

"It is a bit sudden. But my father is known to be impulsive It gets him in trouble sometimes but I've learned to go along with it." Levi looked down at his feet as he walked. Damien didn't notice that he wasn't really looking at his feet, he was stealing glances at Damien. " My father said it's a gathering for the family and a few friends. It's going to be dreadful. I usually just stand around and I have to pretend to like people who are idiots. And people pretending to like me. It's absolutely horrendous. Half the time I wonder if I really am related to half of those people."

Damien pondered that for a moment before replying. "You don't like your family?"

"It's not necessarily... well... you see, some of my lovely-" Heavy sarcasm. "- family are complete snobs or idiots or both. I just can't stand most of them. Sure, because they are family I have to like them... but I wish I didn't have to associate myself with most of them. I know that may seem harsh but its... how I feel. I'm sorry if that disgusts you..."

Damien shook his head roughly. "Why would that disgust me? I... I know exactly what you mean."

Levi stopped and just looked into Damien's eyes, peering, piercing into his soul. "Damien."

The way Levi said his name, the tone of voice he used made Damien's heart flutter again.

"Damien. I don't have many friends, but you... You have become extremely important to me. I like you, I've liked you since I first laid eyes on you. Even though we met only a few days ago... I... I saw you when you first got chosen... I don't know what happened but you looked so lonely... I.. I've wanted to talk to you since that moment. To meet you, to be your friend..." Levi trailed off and stood still, just looking at Damien for a moment.

Damien was astonished. Levi had seen him and wanted to be his friend? How could he have seem the wreck that he was and want to be friends? Just as Damien opened his mouth to say something, Levi leaned down and gently touched Damien's lips with his own.

Damien froze, shocked, stunned. It wasn't that he didn't like it, oh no. That wasnt it at all.

This wasn't his first kiss, he had lost that a long time ago. But... this was the first kiss that wasn't forced. He wasn't half drugged out of his mind either. He wasn't even scared of it. The fluttering started up again, but this time it was in his stomach, and his heart was definitely beating a little harder than normal.

It was wonderful. And as suddenly as it began, it ended.

Levi back away, his face flushed and a smile on his face. "I'll see you in a few weeks, Damien. Sorry if I scared you."

Damien blinked owlishly, Levi was gone. He blinked again and looked around. Still no sign of Levi.

Had Levi really just kissed him? Damien reached up with his gloved hand and touched his lips. He had definitely never been kissed like that before. He had been kissed. And Damien liked it. He never thought he would like being kissed. Never in his lifetime. But Levi had burned those thoughts away with just the soft touch of his lips.

Levi liked him. Damien's eyes lit up at the thought. Levi liked him! The look in his eyes... just remembering that look made Damien's cheeks turn red. Luckily if anyone saw, they would blame it on the cold. Not that anyone would talk to him. His best friend had yet to come back.

Lisa! She was supposed to be arriving that day. It had slipped his mind as soon as Levi had asked if they could talk. With another smile, Damien left the garden and headed to the gate.


	10. Chapter 10

"When exactly will I have my property back?"

"Soon... We had to make a few changes but nothing that will hinder us in obtaining him."

"Good. I would greatly enjoy having full use of his potential again. My work has... slowed considerably since that raid."

"Not to worry. He will be back, broken but alive." Jared said with a cold smile.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Do you see them?" Damien asked, eyes scanning the crowd heading towards the gates as they stood off to the side, away from everyone.

:Not yet...: Lan replied, mirrowing Damiens actions.

"I hope they get here soon!" Damien jiggled in place. That was the reason he wasn't currently on Lan's back, he just wasn't able to sit still for longer then a couple of seconds.

His thoughts were split. On the one hand, Lissa was comming back and he obviously couldn't wait to see her again. Instead of a few weeks, it felt like an eternity since he'd last seen her. That was how dependant Damien had become on Lissa. She had been his first firend. The first person he'd actually began to trust, to not keep guarded around.

On the other hand, there was Levi.

And that just summed everything up. Lissa had been the first, but Levi had been the second. In such a short amount of time, Damien opened himself up to Levi.

Levi.

Levi.

Levi.

Damien had never ever felt like this for anyone before. Not ever. There was just something about Levi that Damien couldn't ignore.

The kiss they had shared suddenly poped into his head, and Damien couldn't hold back the blush, or the way his heart pattered in his chest.

Then saddness set in. Levi had left and Damien wasn't sure when he'd see him again.

:I think they're here.:

"Where?!" Damien immediatly began twisting his head back and for, trying to locate her.

"Damien! Lan!" Lissa's yell had Damien turning back to the right where he finally spotted his friend heading for them.

As soon as Lissa got close enough to them, she practically threw herself out of the saddle and into Damien's arms.

Lucky for her, Damien figured that she would do something like that, and caught her with no trouble at all.

"I missed you guys!" She let go of Damien with a laugh, then wrapped her arms around Lan's neck. "And I've got presents for the both of you!" Lissa let go of Lan and reached into one of the bags while Damien and Lan greeted Fiona back.

Like Lissa had given Lan a hug, Damien gave her Companion one. "How was the trip? Did anything interesting happen on the way there or back?"

"Not really, but then again I didn't really go that far away from Haven. If I'd gone a little bit farther then we might have run into something but even then I doubt it." Lissa replied, grinning up at Damien as she found what she was looking for. She placed the oat cake right underneath Lan's nose and the Compainon immediatly ate it, not even letting a single crumb to fall on the ground. "My mother made those and I knew you'd love some Lan! And I got this for you, Damien. I hope you like it! Do you have the groat I told you to have?"

Damien nodded, reaching into his pants pocket and taking out the groat. Lissa then handed him a canvas wrapped package, swipping the groat out of Damien's outstretched hand at the same time and placing it into her own pocket.

For a second, Damien just stared at the package before slowly unwrapping it. A hilt appeared first, then the sheath. "It's beautiful!" Carefully, Damien pulled the knife out of its sheath and eyed the steel. "Wait, this is the knife that I was looking at in the market... When did you get it?"

Lissa grinned, seeing the awe on Damien's face and finding it endering. "That same day, I just waited until you turned your back to buy it."

"Your the best! But wasn't it too much?" Damien asked, feeling a little guilty now. He'd seen the pricetage on it and it had been pretty steep. At least for him it had been.

Lissa smiled gently at him. "Of course it wasn't. It fits you and I wanted you to have it. Come on, lets get going. I'm going to drop my things off in my room. Let's get food after?"

Damien couldn't hold back the smile from his own face. "Alright. I'll help carrying the bags."

The group made its way back the the Collegium. The two Companions splitting from them after Damien took the packs off of Fiona's back. Damien handed Lissa the lighter one and they both headed into the Collegium. Within moments they'd left their burdens just inside Lissa's room and found their way into the dinning area.

Luckily, the cooking staff had started leaving food out for the Trainee's that would be getting back throughout the week. There were things like cold cut meats, breads, cheese, and other's that didnt really need to be warmed up so that they could just be left there with just a cover. Even a few pies. There were signs that that pile had been severly demolished already and the staff hadn't renewed the stash just yet.

The two friends took two pies each then ammbled over to the other side of the table, made sandwiches, and grabbed two mugs of water before sitting in one of the out of the way tables. The place wasn't bustling with Trainee's but it also wasn't empty and Damien still tended to avoid large crowds. He didn't know when that adversion would end, but he was getting better and that's all that mattered.

After a few bites, Lissa placed the sandwich back down, and eyed Damien with a smirk. "Who is she?"

And Damien couldn't help but blush, the corner of his mouth turning up in a shy smile. "Not a she."

Lissa's eye's widdened in surprise. "Oh really? Well, who is he? And what's he like? Is he a Bard? A Healer? Does he have a Companion? When did you meet him? Can I meet him? What's he look like? Is he handsome? Tall? What's he sound like? Is he nice? How old is he? Does he talk a lot? Is he a foreigner? Diplomat?"

Damien couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed with Lissa's rapid fire questions, but as soon as the girl stopped talking long enough to take a breath, Damien started to answer them. "His name is Levi, and I met him a week ago..."


	11. Chapter 11

It had been weeks since Levi had left and Damien couldn't help but feel a little lonely.

It wasn't that he didn't have fun with Lissa, it wasn't that at all. She was the best friend he'd never had before. He just found that not being able to talk to Levi left a big hole in his heart. A hole that only seeing Levi again would fill.

He'd never thought he'd ever find someone like Levi. Damien just felt safe with him. Just thinking of Levi made Damien's stomach flutter. Hopefully Levi would be back soon.

"Alright, I want you guys to read the next two chapters and make a sheet of the important dates in those chapters." The history teacher stated, looking over the small class. "Memorize those dates, there might be a quiz on them the next time I see you."

The bell rang seconds after he finished talking and the trainee's immediately headed out of the room. It was time for lunch for most of them. Damien had an appointment with the Healers before he could get something to eat.

He waited for most of the Trainee's to leave before heading out of the room. He still hated crowded places though he'd grown accustomed to them and no longer flinched when someone accidently bumped into him.

For that reason alone, Damien thought that when he became a full fledged Harold, he'd be one of the one's running circuit in the outer towns instead of in Haven. And he liked the idea.

With a start, Damien realized that he was going to be late for his appointment, and he ran the rest of the way to the Healer Collegium.

"Damien, how have you been for the past week?" Melric, the Healer that had looked after him when he'd first gotten there, asked with a gentle smile.

"I've been good. I'm a little more comfortable with people." Damien smiled hesitantly up at Melric from where he's sat down.

"I'm glad to hear that. Do you still have panic attacks?"

Damien shook his head. "I haven't, but I still keep my medicine with me just in case."

"That good! I'm sure pretty soon you won't need to worry about that anymore. Alright, I think that's all. I'm sure you're hungry, you should head to get some food. I hear they're doing a fry-day." Melric said with a grin at the teen. "Don't forget, same time next week."

With a nod of his head, Damien scurried out of the door. The path back to the dinning room was empty. It was a little weird, because usually there were people running around all over the place during this time but that might have been because of it being a fry-day. So Damien ignored the creepy feeling and when he was about to step into the building, someone called his name.

Damien froze, his heart pounding in fear.

Fear because it was his voice.

His voice.

Jared.

Terror closed in around him like blanket, smothering him. With a twist of his head, Damien lookedat the area behind him.

Empty.

There wasn't anything there.

Nobody in sight.

That didn't stop his heart from trying to explode out of his chest, it only seemed to make it worse. The fear grew as Damien's eyes darted around.

Nothing.

Why did he have to hear that voice?

Why?

Damien closed his eyes, squeezing them shut, his legs giving out underneath him so that he crumpled to the ground.

Why?

Why did he hear his voice? Was he here? Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

It wasn't possible!

Fear.

Pain.

Humiliation.

It all came rushing back like a tidal wave.

The sob that had been working its way up from his neck, finally escaped, and Damien felt the tears trickle down his face.

He couldn't move.

He couldn't think.

He couldn't breath.

Why?

"Damien!"

Why?

"Damien! Breathe, Damien!" Arms wrapped around his body, someone whispered in his ears. "Breathe, Damien. I'm here. Come on, breathe for me..."

Finally, Damien's lungs expanded.

"That's it, Damien. Shhh, everything's all right. I'm here, Damien."

After a few seconds of sobbing breathes, Damien opened his eyes and looked at the person holding him.

It was Levi.

With a cry, Damien wrapped his own arms around him and buried his face into Levi's strong neck. Sobs once again shook his body.

They stayed like that for a little bit before Levi finally spoke, his fingers running soothingly through Damien's hair.

"Come on, let's go to your room." Levi whispered into Damien's ear, breath tickling his ears a little.

Damien nodded in agreement. He'd been lucky nobody else had seen his panic attack. He didn't want to be a spectacle for people to look at.

Levi swept Damien up bridal style, and walked carefully towards Damien's room. They made it there just minutes later.

"What happened?" Damien heard Levi whisper as soon as he closed the door.

Damien just shook his head, tears spilling freely down his face.

"Alright, you don't have to tell me. Just know that I'm here for you, Damien. I'm here for you and I won't ever let anything happen to you." Levi placed Damien on his bed, then knelt in front of him, placing his hand against Damien's cheek, making him meet his eyes. "I'm here for you."

Once again, Damien buried himself into Levi, clutching him close, hoping hat the other would never let him go, like so many had before him. People that were supposed to be family.

If family didn't love him, how could Levi...?

Damien felt Levi's fingers in his hair again, running through it softly. "I'll always be by your side."

Slowly, Damien's sobbing stopped.

He believed Levi.

About half an hour later, Damien sat up again, scrubbing his face.

"Better?" Levi asked with a small smile at him.

Damien nodded, smiling back. "Yes, thanks..."

Three Month's Later:

'I want to see you, I have something important to tell you. -Levi '

The note made Damien smile. Levi wanted to see him. They hadn't been able to see each other for a few days and Damien had been missing him. He couldn't wait to feel those arms wrapped around him.

Safe and loved. That's how he always felt when Levi was around.

"A note from your boyfriend?" Lissa's teasing voice made Damien blush a little.

He turned to look at her and sure enough, there was a twinkle in her eyes. "Ohh, a meeting? Is he going to propose?"

"A proposal? You're crazy, Lissa!" Damien sputtered, his cheeks getting even redder, if that where even possible.

"But he want's to tell you something important! That's the only important thing that I can see him doing!" Lissa teased, nudging Damien with her elbow.

Damien just shook his head.

"Well, go on! Better not keep him waiting!" Lissa pushed her friend towards Levi and Damien's usual meeting place. "I'll wait for you with Lan and Fiona. Better give me all the juicy details!"

Feeling a little lightheaded, Damien hurried away. Luckily, by the time that he'd made it to their meeting spot, the blush had left his face.

Damien shook his head with a soft smile. Lissa really did love to tease him.

Now to wait for the love of his life to get there. Damien couldn't help but smile warmly at the memories that came up. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling... He just loved being around Levi. He was perfect.

"Damien."

For some reason, the way that Levi said his name didn't sound right. It was cold. Levi had never said his name like that before. It was always with warmth and love.

"L-levi..." Damien took a step closer to Levi. The next words that left his lips made Damien freeze in place.

"I'm leaving you."

"W-what?" Damien's voice broke, eyes wide as he looked at Levi.

"I said I'm leaving you. I was just playing with you all along." Levi smirked, his eyes cold as he looked at Damien.

"B-but... You told me you l-loved me..." Damien felt his heart squeeze painfully. He'd thought he hadn't heard right. It couldn't have been right.

"Humph, I lied. I told you, I just wanted to play with you. Nothing more. I wanted to see how far you would go." Levi smirked. "You were so easy. But I'm bored of you now. Don't ever talk to me again, you piece of shit."

With those last words, Levi turned and left.

Damien collapsed to the ground, the tears falling as he watched the person he loved, walk away. His world was shattering, splintering, burning around him.

The illusion was revealed.

There was no love.

It had all been a lie.

A lie.

He should have known that someone like him could never be happy.

It hurt.

It hurt so damned much.

Why?

He wanted to scream, to trip his heart out, to take the pain away.

'I was just playing with you. You piece of shit.'

Why?

Damien didn't even notice when Lan, Fiona, and Lissa got there. He was numb.

So numb.

::Damien, talk to me!:: Lan yelled through their mind link.

Damien didn't hear anything.

'I thought he loved me...'

A lie.

A big fat lie...

'Nobody could ever love me.' Damien thought, his gaze locked on his arms. Scares still littered his flesh. They would never disappear. 'Who would want to...?'

Deluded. He was deluded thinking that someone could have actually loved him.

Never.

Nobody would ever love him. Nobody ever could.

Nobody.

::Damien!::

Anyone who did was just lying to him.

::Damien! Please!::

Damien closed his eyes and blocked the world around him out.


End file.
